I sit back up, but lean slightly back with my head resting on the pillow, swaying slowly from side to side and letting out deep, guttural moans. I’m just trying to find a position, any position, that defuses the pain a bit. I lay on my back on the bed, but then move into a seated position, and then lay flat on my stomach, as I’m hit with more contractions.

After a few more tries, and moving the Doppler into different positions, I’m able to hear the baby’s heartrate. I rub the gel on my stomach and try to place the Doppler on it, but another contraction sears through me, and I have to stop and catch my breath. It’s been one of my best investments ever, as it gives me peace of mind.īut right now, I feel too panicky- and I’m in too much pain- to use it correctly. I bought the Doppler after the surgery, to reassure me that I could listen to the baby’s heartbeat if I thought something might be wrong. “All right,” she says, and when she gets back to my room with it, she asks, “Do you want me to help you do it?” “Can you please bring me the Doppler?” I ask her. Is it normal for the contractions to increase so quickly? What if something’s wrong? Suddenly, though, I’m worried about the baby. “Let me get the car ready to take you to the hospital. I double over on the bed again, as a contraction surges through me. And I feel like I’m being ripped in half.” “Look at how close these contractions are coming on top of each other. “I think so,” I tell her, showing her my app.

“You really think things are progressing this fast?” She massages my shoulders, and while it feels good, I worry that she thinks I’m over- reacting. “Oh, wow,” she asks, coming into my room. “But I’m pretty sure things are happening faster than I’d anticipated. Just wetting a washcloth so I can put it on your forehead.” Susan?” I call, and then groan as I’m hit with another contraction. They seem to be getting even stronger, though, until I can barely breathe. I wait a little longer, to make sure I’m not counting them wrong. They’ll think I’m crazy and send me home yet again.īut, I begin timing them on an app I have on my tablet, and they’re reaching the point at which the hospital told me to come in. I’m afraid to go back to the hospital so soon.

I’m at home now, and I swear my contractions are getting much stronger and closer together, but maybe I’m just paranoid. And if she’s pregnant, I want the baby in my life. She told me on the phone she wasn’t seeing anyone, and I have no reason not to be believe her. What if she really is pregnant? I wonder. It’s not that I think that anyone here will do anything to get Monica into trouble, but it still seems like a rather… private matter at this point. They laugh, and, thankfully, drop it, at least for now. “Can’t a man just come back from war without being badgered to death?” I ask them. “Come on, man, you can’t do that to us!” Jensen says. “She’s no one I want to discuss, yet,” I tell them. It dawns on me that I’d better figure out what’s really going on with Monica and me before I out her name, for her sake as much as mine. When you went on your so- called ‘spirit quest.’” “A little before you left for deployment. I hear shocked gasps, except from Whitney, who says, “I knew it!” Or, it was love, and I’m hoping it still is.” “I actually kind… met someone,” I announce. But I’m sick of hiding things, keeping secrets from the people who love me. I pause, wondering if that’s all the news they can handle for today. “It’s about time,” Jensen says, and everyone nods their agreement. “I just need to concentrate on myself for a little while,” I tell them. I think about Monica’s criticism, that I always put everyone else ahead of me. I see an injured look cross Jensen’s face so I add, “And with your help, which I appreciate.” “I think I just need a break,” I tell them. It will only add complications on top of everything else. She’s the last person I need to be thinking about right now.

Mfm susan monica